The Stand Off - Obviously, Jared isn't equipped with the means to provide the needed nourishment to Harris at 1am, 4am and 7am like I am so when it comes to the feedings, it's all me. There are, however, times when The Boy has been fed, soothed back to sleep and placed back in the bassinet. I crawl into bed, get nice and comfy and then start to hear little grunts coming from that 7 pound peanut in the corner. The grunts continue to get louder and at that time, The Stand Off commences. This is the time when Jared and I both know the other is awake. More often than not, we've reached over and given a little pat, bump or snort of acknowledgement about 2 minutes prior to The Stand Off so it becomes a waiting game. Who can fake sleep better? Who will be the first to cave in at the grunting baby, get up, walk four feet to the bassinet and give the necessary pat, pat, pat or replace the pacifier that's fallen out of The Boy's mouth? We will both lay there, trying to fake the heavy breathing that means, "yes, I am really asleep and dreaming" and hope for dear life that the other will drag their tired body out of bed to address the needs of the newborn in the corner. I'll let you in on a little secret. If you get up with the first grunt and give the pat, pat, pat and replace the paci, chances are if and when the grunting continues (meaning Harris needs to be picked up and held for a few more minutes until he dozes back off) you can be the one resting back in bed since you've already had "your turn". Don't tell Jared that I've figured out this secret though.
The Cover Throw - The Stand Off often leads to The Cover Throw. The Cover Throw is the over exaggerated, overly dramatic and completely unnecessary toss of the covers when the designated parent is getting up to address said grunting baby. It's often accompanied by a loud sigh or "ugh!" and really only comes into play on tough nights or multiple grunting episodes when the child won't settle down. Jared and I are both guilty of The Cover Throw but we've come to realize we have different intentions. Jared's Cover Throw is just an exclamation so that I'll know how flipping annoyed he is to have to get up. My Cover Throw usually ends on my husband's rib cage or any body part that is reachable in the arc of my Cover Throw and has every intention to wake him up if he isn't already awake. For a while, Jared actually thought I was accidentally hitting him with my Cover Throwing. Sweet thang - he actually thought his wife was nice! A warning: the cover throw will, most definitely, get you made fun of either directly after the throw or over breakfast the following morning.
The Stink Eye - This one is almost all Jared. Since I am the aforementioned lactator of the Meabon household, there comes a time within every feeding that I need to get a burp out of my child. And so ensues the bhap-bhap-bhap-bhap sound that comes with burping a child. When done in the middle of the night in an otherwise quiet house, this light patting can seem like a jackhammer in your ear. About one out of every three times, Jared will roll over, crack open one eye and give me a look that says, "Are you freaking serious????" But really, what am I suppose to do? Let that air bubble sit in my child's stomach causing them to vomit on themselves in their sleep? I think not. So I try to turn a blind eye to the Stink Eye - easier said than done!
The Verbal "Oh, Are You Serious"???? - This is the very verbal, very much intentioned exclamation of "Oh, Are You Serious" that comes only after a full session of changing a diaper, feeding child, burping the child, re-swaddling the child and getting them all snuggled in to drift back to sleep when you hear it. That unforgettable and extremely audible bowel movement that can't imaginably come from such a small, innocent looking creature. And when you realize you have to unswaddle and completely disturb that baby to change that diaper, you will most certainly feel the need to utter "Oh, Are You Serious???" loud enough to wake your partner so that you aren't suffering this horrible fate alone. And if that child continues to....er.....make their movement while you are in the middle of changing the diaper and it sprays on you? Well, let's just say "Oh, Are You Serious????" might get turned into "What The @$*^#%!!! How Is This Possible?!?!?!" with every intention of waking up the sleeping body in your nice, comfortable looking bed that you are aching to crawl back in to.
So these are just a few observations I've made in the middle of the night. We know this stage will pass and we'll get back to restful nights again in the near future but, until then, the midnight communication continues!
