Look a little closer, it's there.
Ah, there it is! The first freckle.
It's not too often that one can say, "See that? That's was my very first freckle." I noticed this little one about a week ago. My first thought was, "Oh how cute! Her first freckle." That was quickly proceeded by, "Wait, a freckle? Is that weird?" Within five minutes, it had turned into "Oh no, maybe I haven't been diligent enough with the sunscreen. Could this be the first signs of melanoma? The sun is a totally different sun than I grew up with. Now it's taking it's toll on my 10 month old!!! DAMN YOU SUN! What have you just done?!?!?"
Okay, so I had a new mom freak-out. Or what I like to call a "first-timer" - you know, those overly protective-wouldn't make sense to a sane person-let's hope I don't think like this for any future Meabon babies-thoughts that go through your mind with your first baby.
After I talked myself down from the ledge, I went into my other crazy brain mentality. I am one of those people that goes through life stupidly scared. I think the masked man with a knife is hiding in every corner of my house to get me. I sleep with mace and a baseball bat. And what would the intelligent thing for a scaredy-cat like me to do? Why watch murder investigation shows on tv, of course! I Investigation Discovery Channel, 48 Hours, Dateline Investigation and I secretly wish I was Aphrodite Jones. So when I saw that little freckle, I disturbingly thought, "Well, at least she has a distinguishable marker now." I think I've been following the Casey Anthony trial a little too closely lately.
But, here's the beauty in this sick mentality. I totally didn't register that (hello!) her belly would be her distinguishable marker. It wasn't until a couple of days later when I was changing her wrap that it hit me. I just don't think about Harper's stomach and the fact that it is different. Her omphalocele is as much to me a normal part of her like her arm or her nose. I can only hope that Harps has this lack of self-consciousness about her body. I pray that she will grow to see her scars as a sense of pride in the blessings that God gave her in life.
I recently heard a statement that I love and I think applies with my little Squirrel - she's a child that God smiled on.
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